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5 things you should have learned from being a waitress/waiter


I can sit here and list off all the restaurants I sold my soul to in college and you’re still going to roll your eyes and daydream about my head exploding because I’m just a high maintenance bitch with some annoying sense of entitlement. So let’s just skip right through that.

1. I don’t care what it is, the first thing you bring me needs to be fast. Water, bread basket, complimentary crayons, whatever. Just get it in my hands so I can like you.

2. Don’t ask me if I need change. Unless I look like a person who was raised by wolves , recently rescued and this is my first attempt at assimilating back into society, I won’t forget that I need to tip you. I will, however, be less inclined to tip you if you have to ask. Just do your job.

3. Napkins. Always bring me napkins. If all I order is a large water with a lime and a frilly toothpick, bring me a napkin. Maybe I want to rest my lime on it until I’m ready to acquire my lime’s delicious, citrus nectar. Don’t rob me of that.

4. Do I look like Oprah? Then I don’t want to hear about your life. Unless I ask or you do something incredibly interesting in your spare time like train komodo dragons to eat sushi with bamboo chopsticks. (In which case you better have photos.)

5. I get this grunge look that hipsters have stolen from rockers and modified into something stylish is a thing. But you’re at work. Be professional. At least make sure the shirt you have on is clean and your hair is pulled back. You might think that calabrian orange, woods and patchouli perfume oil works as a great alternative to shower. It doesn’t. And it’s making me itchy.

It’s amazing how a good or bad server can drastically change the mood of an outing. And you know this because it’s not like you don’t go to restaurants, too. So as a former server and to current servers, I don’t need to be entertained, I just need my Stella cold and for you not to be stingy with the napkins.

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Another new year’s resolution blog and this past year in pictures


Every day, I want to do something I’ve never done before.

I know this might sound ambitious, and it is, but it will surely lead to some interesting places.

Did you notice how incredibly vague this resolution is? I’m not a fan of boundaries.

That being said here are some of the things I want to do:

  • Travel to a place I’ve never been
  • Build something out of wood
  • Climb something I haven’t climbed yet
  • Corn Maze!
  • “Borrow” someone’s trampoline for the night
  • Make sushi
  • Dye my hair
  • Take photos of a whole bunch of fire extinguishers
  • Have that talk with dad
  • Build the glass terrariums
  • Jump in Hamilton Pool
  • Institute bring your dog to work day

It’s going to be harder every day so if you have any suggestions, please don’t be shy.

Here are some pictures of things I did this year I had never done before. Feel free to share your adventures and random experiences with me!

First front page byline
Met Clark freakin’ Gracie. And learned how to break people’s arms.

Random 2 a.m. adventure

I like to climb on things. And who puts a tractor in the middle of downtown?

Tried home made potato candies for the first time

Dyed someone's hair periwinkle. I have never dyed hair before.

Did a Reddit gift exchange for the first time. Can you tell how excited I was

I'm pretty sure this is the closest I have ever been to a helicopter

This year, I committed Monkicide.

More love please

This year, I climbed a Texas mountain

Deer, deer everywhere

Goofing off in a peacock cage

Les Givral's Kahve. Where they kitchen and bar are open until 3 a.m. and the bartender makes mini crème brûlée.

Panda cookie. Nuff said.

Starting off the new year in downtown Houston

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I want to be a Redneck


Hear me out.

I just spent five days in Deer Park, MD and it was glorious.

You know when you go home for the holidays and after the forced interactions with distant relatives or worse, your mom’s friends, you feel more exhausted then when you got there? That is what I was trying to avoid. So I ran away to hide in the mountains of Maryland.

Mother Nature truly reigns over Maryland from what I could see. I am an outdoors person and being able to see the river in full force brings all sorts of adjectives to mind. Powerful, majestic, intimidating, charming, raging and mind-blowing.

Thinking about it reminds me of air fresheners. They say things like “breath happy” and try our new scent inspired by New Zealand’s South Island where springs feed glacier-carved streams and verdant vistas. It might as well say breath in our starch based compound that swallows odor and will likely deteriorate your lungs from the inside over the next few years. Breath of fresh air my ass. Standing on the boulders silhouetting the river I breathed like I had never breathed before. My lungs deliriously gorged on the wind and the smell of the trees.

*My blog deleted itself and left an earlier version. I’m just going to post the pictures. Why technology? After all I do for you. You coy bitch.

*I do need to add one thing. The people I met in Maryland are unlike any other people. They enjoy life, they enjoy nature and beauty. They grow the best corn. They cook the best food. They laugh all the time. They smile at each other. Really. They’re wise. They hug, they cry. They care and no one needs to say it. Life isn’t necessarily slow it is just understanding. And when it isn’t, someone is there to catch you.

So comfortable
In yo face

Jared is gorgeous.

slippery boulders

.

Lady Macbeth AKA Mac

Gun shop in Hancock

Store in Hancock. Still not sure what they were selling? People?

Last sunset before I left

Driving with Jared's parents. They literally stop so I can gawk. I don't even have to ask.

Homemade potato candies we bought from Amish people

after dinner pose

shrooms

river

spring water

goodbye love

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