7 Irrational fears I have while riding the metro

1) If I stand too close to the rails, someone might push me in and I’ll die.

2) Someone will fart on me as I’m going up the stairs.

3) That someone will steal my I Read button.

4) I’ll get some incurable disease from touching the holding poles.

5) That my hair will get caught in the door and I’ll scream and no one will help me so I’ll have to stop screaming.

6) That I will fall down the stairs and pass out so I’ll either wake up in an ambulance or naked and wrapped in newspaper.

7) That someone will start making harmless small talk but then we get off at the same time and they won’t stop talking to me so I have to pretend I work at the nearest Jamba Juice.