Things you’ll learn during an excursion

1) Always check to make sure the places you want to go are open.

I like being spontaneous. But I’m also impatient and I devastate easily. Biking my heart out to find a locked gate isn’t as much fun. But it was a good lesson to learn. 

2) Sometimes things look soft and harmless but they are really spiky, ninja weeds that will fuck your legs up.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop being a kid inside. While that sounds whimsical and fun, it’s also very stupid. Like when I hypothesized about breaking into the botanic gardens in town and hiked up the side of the hill to check for holes in the fence and ended up being pierced by a billion tiny thorns. Picture below.

3) Not all U-locks will save your bike. Watch this jerk open one with a pen. If you care about your bike, take the time to find a good lock for it.

I don’t actually have one. But I’ve seen bikes get stolen and I figured now was the time to make my public service announcement. Thank you.

4) Always bring water. Even if you don’t use it, it’s just better to have it. Especially if you don’t adhere to rule number one.

5) Bobby pins will keep your cap in place. Especially when you’re using someone else’s cap because you’re too lazy to buy your own.

Keep in mind the bobby pins will also try to pull the skin off of your skull when you’re biking down hill. Worth it.

6) Any bag has the potential to be a back pack. Just keep sticking your arms through the straps until one way works.

Make sure it closes well enough or people will assume you’re santa claus gifting your belongings to random passersby. 

7) Try to use your phone as little as possible when you’re on your excursion.

When you realize how incredibly hard this is, invest in a wrist watch that has a compass.

8) At every place you go, take in as much as you can. Even if it’s how much you hate the place.

9) Learn to not be bothered by bugs.

Almost every human being on the planet is a predator of bugs. There’s a whole industry dedicated to their demise. If they were going to disappear, they would be on their way to extinction by now.

10) Some items are invaluable such as paper towels, clothespins, and pockets.

11) Most mean people are teenagers.

Those teenagers are mean to adults and that’s how you get mean adults.

12) At the end of every good excursion there should be a nice, cold beer. And maybe a shower.

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