Jessica Puente

It’s the little, annoying things you can’t help but notice and dwell on when you are trying to write.

Even when you think about maybe trying to write, you suddenly feel you can’t ignore this little blue cup that has been sitting on the corner of your desk since always. How did that get there? What was the last thing I put in that? Did I steal that?

Do you listen to music a lot? I’ve grown a dependency and my serotonin levels correlate with what I am listening to. I am like a human metronome. When the music stops abruptly I swear my heart stops.

Damn it now I have to go to the bathroom. Just keep thinking about writing. Can’t get it out of my head. Now I’m fighting with the toilet paper. It won’t roll and I can only pull one sheet at a time. This is oddly defeating. Maybe I can blame my writer’s block on this.

Walk back to my desk. Boy that monster is really starting to kick in. Now I remember why I stopped drinking these things.

So many distractions. Stand up, sit down. Stand up again. Sit down somewhere else. Stand up. Walk around, sit down.

Thank God for smart phones or this would be more incoherent than intended.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about what’s next. Where do I want to go and what do I want to do. I know where I want to go, but I draw blanks when I think about what I’ll actually do.

This is a bad habit of mine.

When I’m scared or doubtful, I avoid.

Avoiding things works 9 out of 10 times. I don’t care what you think. Avoiding things works. Obviously not for weird rashes, stalkers, pregnancy tests, bills and my bosses emails. But for things that don’t really have a due date, why not stall?

I’ll tell you why. Because when you just do what you’ve been putting off, that’s one more pound of scared that you can rip off your shoulder.

Sounds gloriously easy. And it’s harder than breathing.